Finding John Rae Page 18

  I held up my hands. “Kate, I am guilty on all counts, except for the unsuitable part. I am also a gentleman, even though he does not consider me to be one. It’s time for me to tell him about my feelings for you.”

  Kate placed her hand on my arm. “He is not well.”

  “I am aware of that, my dear. I have noticed the yellow cast in his eyes.”

  “He is an angry man. He may be unkind to you.”

  “No more so than he has been thus far. What else am I to do? I have fallen in love with you. If you think you feel the same way about me, we should not be hiding it as if we’re committing some crime. We’ve been seeing each other for months now. Tell me, are we harming others by wanting to be with each other? I have never approved of deception, Kate. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  She tilted her head and stared at me, her green eyes wide. “Do you really love me, John? You just said you’ve fallen in love with me.”

  “I’m afraid I’m a fallen man, Kate,” I laughed, “and I suspect that my condition is incurable.”

  “Good Lord!” she cried. “Oh, now that you’ve said it, I guess I can say it as well. I love you.” She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I love you, too. There, I said it again! I love you!”

  “Let me arrange to see your father now, so we can come out of hiding. Hold on. Do you need some time to think about it first?”

  She paused, looked away for a moment and laughed. “I’ll be sure to hide all his weapons somewhere before you knock at the door.”

  “Sensible idea, you lovely creature.”

  One of the many things that drew me to Kate like a magnet to metal was the fact that she was indeed an exquisite creature with a beautiful heart, and not simply a lovely creation. Kate was the real cure for the sense of rejection and loneliness which had ailed me since my return from the Arctic.

  Her mother Emma responded favourably to my note requesting an interview with her husband. I was surprised that she approved of her daughter having a romance with an aging explorer who had been embroiled in public controversy. Perhaps she was able to see something of value in me, beyond my mixed reputation. More likely, she knew her daughter well enough to realize that opposing Kate’s wishes could result in an estrangement — which would be heart-rending for any mother. In Mrs. Thompson’s reply, she promised that she would urge the major to have the courtesy to meet with me and listen to what I wished to say. Of course, she knew what the subject of the meeting would be.

  I could just imagine his response when she approached him: “I already know what he is going to say, Emma! What in the devil’s name is the point?” He finally agreed to a brief meeting in his house — his territory — at an hour which suited him best.

  —

  He awaited me in the spacious, high-ceilinged parlour of the Thompson home, just three city blocks from my own house. His back was turned to me when Mrs. Thompson showed me into the room, and I was instantly reminded of Sir James Graham displaying the same sort of distaste for me at Admiralty House some five years earlier. When Kate’s father finally turned around to face me, I offered him my hand, which he brusquely declined. He was clearly in no mood for pleasantries. The first words he uttered confirmed that he considered any discussion with me to be a battlefield, and since the battle was taking place on his home ground, he wasted no time in firing the first shot.

  “Leave her alone!” he thundered. I was not surprised to notice that he had fortified himself for our meeting with some form of spirits. I was also no stranger to the politics of intimidation, and I knew there could be only one response: never back down.

  “I understand that this is difficult for you, Sir, and I must tell you that I sincerely appreciate your agreement to meet with me this evening.” He scowled and shook his head, because he refused to believe that he had agreed; he had only given in to stop his wife from badgering him about it.

  His hostile expression had little effect on my enthusiasm. “I can assure you of my absolute sincerity when I tell you that I have grown very fond of your daughter. Kate, for her part, has indicated to me that she shares my feelings — ”

  “What do you know of feelings? You are every bit as hard-hearted as those man-eating Esquimaux whose company you favour! I’ve heard eyewitness accounts of you wandering the streets of Hamilton at night, a madman clad in animal skins, hallucinating and shouting incoherently at nothing. Go back to Orkney or the Arctic where you belong! Why did you come chasing after Kate that day in Toronto when you knew nothing about her, nothing of us! Leave my daughter and my family alone!”

  I had been expecting something unpleasant, but his attack against my life among the Esquimaux and my personal values caused me to see red. I felt my face flushing with the heat of anger, but I drew a deep breath; this was not the time to lose my self-control. I was also quite sure that Kate, her mother, sisters and brother were listening on the other side of the parlour doors, because I heard a stifled gasp after he shouted at me. I held my temper.

  “You might feel differently if you know more about my history and character, Major — ”

  His dark eyes were ablaze with anger. “You are the wild man who accuses Royal Navy men — the salt of the earth — of consuming each other’s flesh, for God’s sake! You set out to single-handedly destroy the impeccable reputation of Her Majesty’s finest… how dare you?”

  Even though I had expected that particular volley to be fired, it stung me deeply, coming from the father of the woman I loved. I stood firmly in place and never took my eyes off him.

  “Oh yes! I know enough about you,” he continued. “Rumour has it that you sleep with Esquimaux men’s wives, that you take their women and your bastard children into your ridiculous snow castles! You are a filthy old man, and I’ll not stand for you having any contact with my nineteen-year-old daughter who, by the way, is young enough to be your own child, God forbid!”

  “That is enough!” I roared. The force of my shout surprised the unsteady major, causing him to grab hold of the back of a chair to prevent himself from losing his balance and falling. He stood fast, swaying with rage and indignation. I held my ground, unbending in the face of his hostility, ready to duck if he tried to throw a punch. “I shall say one final thing to you before I take my leave, Major. Your daughter is an adult now, old enough to make her own decisions. If she chooses to spend time with me, then it is God’s will — and Kate’s — and it will be one battle you cannot win. Good night.”

  The major seemed to be struck silent, still holding onto the back of the chair as I reached for the door. I heard the sounds of scurrying in the hallway, as the eavesdroppers scattered. A servant awaited me with my coat and hat. I slipped quietly out the front door and vanished into the night. There was nothing more to be said.

  Monday

  Dearest Kate,

  I heard sounds in the hallway at your home this evening, prompting me to think that you most likely overheard the brief conversation (if one can call it that) between your father and me. Your father has made assumptions about me that are, quite simply, not true.

  I do not hold him to blame. I understand why he draws certain conclusions from chatter about my unconventional life in the Arctic.

  I also sympathize with his wish to protect his beloved daughter from a suitor who is more than twice her age.

  I ask you to trust me when I say that I never have, and never will, lead a “double life.”

  I have no personal connections to women or children in Scotland, London, the Arctic, or here in Hamilton. I have no doubt that those who know me will attest to this fact if your father wishes to interrogate others and further investigate my background.

  As for the other subject, I will not waver in my belief that the Esquimaux testimony was accurate. I will stand by the report I submitted to the British government until I have drawn my last breath.

  As I told you, I have fallen in love with you. There is no hurry for making decisions about the future. In time, I hope that the
dust will settle.

  Meanwhile, I carry you dear to my heart, lovely Kate.

  John

  Her reply was swift and to the point. I was greatly relieved to read that her father’s temper had not caused her to bend. If anything, she sounded more resolute, but patient nonetheless, and I admired her for those qualities. Patience had never been one of my strong points.

  Monday

  Dearest John,

  You know that I, too, have fallen in love with you.

  Even though my father is unwilling to see you as the honest and kind man you are, I feel I have come to know you well. My mother has begged him to learn more about you, and I can see that his refusals are growing weaker. I worry about his health, but he is the only one who can take measures for improving it.

  I carry you dear to my heart as well, John. I do not want to be parted from you, ever. Know this, my love, and as you say, all will be clear in the fullness of time.

  Your Katie

  We continued to meet one another as the months went by, while Major Thompson’s health worsened. By early August, he was no longer able to attend Sunday services, which was a blessing in one way, because I was spared from being on the receiving end of his angry stares. On the other hand, it was unfortunate that he was losing his battle with his health, which was a source of great anguish for his family.

  Fort Garry, Manitoba

  [SEPTEMBER 1859]

  The letter from Kate arrived hours before an elaborate hunting party, including Sir George Simpson, James Carnegie the Earl of Southesk, Lord Milton and a gentleman named Dr. Cheadle, was about to embark on a lengthy expedition in the regions around the Red River, under my leadership. The last of the preparations had been attended to when a clerk handed the envelope to me. I recognized the handwriting immediately.

  August 26, 1859

  My Dearest John:

  I hope this letter finds you well.

  My father claims to have discovered proof that you have several “country wives,” native women who give you comfort and with whom you have children, in the regions around Hudson Bay. My mother, sisters and I have begged him to speak to those who really know you, but as a result of acquiring this so-called information, he has forbidden me from ever again seeing you or communicating with you. He has laid down an order that if I do not sever ties with you immediately, I will be turned out of the family home, removed from his will and shunned — for life — by all of our relatives.

  My heart is broken, John. When I finally fall to sleep at night, I soon awaken with a start as if something terrible has just happened. The sight of food repels me, and just when I think I cannot possibly shed even one more tear, the flood begins again. You have promised me that you have no country wives, and I have believed you. I try hard to hold onto my faith in your words —

  Papa is resolute in his decision and, alas, I am well and truly lost, thinking of running away from here but to where, I do not know. Whatever happens, remember that I want to believe there is no truth in his accusations.

  Your Kate

  I stuffed the letter into the pocket of my coat and looked around. Fort Garry was a beehive of activity; our hunting party was being assembled with horses, carts, provisions and munitions. Sir George approached me, leaning heavily on a cane for support. He was no longer in condition to engage in physical exertions, but his enthusiasm was as boundless as ever.

  “Well, my boy,” he trumpeted, “this should be a fine day for our departure, with a cool breeze to keep some of the flying insects away from us. I shall be quite comfortable riding in a cart, cushioned by Company blankets. Wouldn’t want to miss this adventure for the world, you know!”

  I pulled the crumpled letter from my pocket and shook it, taking care not to let him see the feminine handwriting. “Sir George, I’m afraid that an emergency has arisen at home…”

  The excitement drained from his expression. “Has someone taken ill?”

  “Yes, you could say that, and this matter is very serious indeed. I deeply regret that I have to take my leave from this journey at once —”

  “You are leaving us?” He looked incredulous. I had never done such a thing before.

  “Yes, Sir, I’m afraid I must. Our travelling party is well organized, and the supplies are more than adequate. As you know, we have hired the very best guides, interpreters and hunters. I shall have a word with them, and then I will express my regrets to our British travelling companions.”

  He shook his head. “This is quite out of character for you, John. I suppose there’s no point in trying to change your mind.”

  “No, Sir. I am sorry, but the situation is urgent, and my presence is required immediately. I wish you the very best on this journey.”

  I felt badly for causing disappointment in the others, but their lives would continue as usual, and mine was on the verge of another collapse. I could not afford to let that happen. St. Paul was several days’ journey south from Fort Garry with a pair of horses, and from there, I could return to Hamilton by train.

  I could not find it in my heart to forgive Major Thompson for his vigorous attempts to ruin his youngest daughter’s happiness, but neither did I wish him ill health. I was saddened to learn upon my arrival that he had passed away just two days earlier, and the Thompson home was in a state of mourning. His body, dressed in full military uniform with his sword in its scabbard at his side, was on view in the parlour. Kate held on tightly to my hand and together we approached the open casket. He looked younger in death than he had in life; the deep lines on his face had all but disappeared. He had been, after all, a man who had survived many battles, the second to last one being the protection of his loved ones. He had lost his final fight against the demon alcohol, which was a tragic end indeed.

  “I pray that you will find comfort and peace with God, Major Thompson,” I whispered. Throughout the funeral service and burial at Christ’s Church Cemetery, Kate and I seldom left each other’s side. When the formalities were over, her mother suggested that I return with the family to the Thompson home for some coffee, a generous invitation which I did not refuse.

  Later, I noticed that the others, including Kate, had excused them-selves from the parlour, leaving me alone with Mrs. Thompson. Kate’s mother wasted no time. She brushed at her skirts with her hands, fixed me with her green eyes, and came straight to the point.

  “Dr. Rae, you love our daughter very much, don’t you?”

  I felt my cheeks growing warm. “Aye, Mrs. Thompson, I do. With all my heart. I — ”

  “Why?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  Tears came to her eyes. “I’m sorry for being so forward. Quite clumsy of me, really. It’s just that with George’s passing, I believe we can speak freely now. I am tired of pretending not to notice how challenging Kate’s friendship with you has been. These have been such difficult times for all of us. I do not think you would have dropped what you were doing and returned to Hamilton from so far away, if you didn’t love her.”

  I leaned forward in my chair. “You are right, Mrs. Thompson, and I don’t blame you at all for asking me why I love your daughter.” She sighed, as if she felt some relief. The forbidden topic was open for discussion now, and I could feel my own muscles relax.

  “She is a beautiful woman, I’ll grant you that,” I said, and she nodded in agreement. “But my feelings for Kate run much deeper than what is so obvious to the eye. There is something unique about her spirit, her sense of confidence, her friendly nature and intelligence.” I placed my hand over my heart. “She touches me right here, as if our souls have known one another for a long time. To be honest, I am at quite a loss to explain it…”

  She wiped at her eyes. “I think I understand, Dr. Rae. I believe George once felt the same way about me. He wasn’t well, you know…”

  She looked directly into my eyes. “George wrote to your friends from York Factory, James and Letitia Hargrave, to inquire about your northern activities. I never saw their reply, so I
will ask you directly. Did you ever have country wives, Dr. Rae? More to the point, would you tell me if you did?”

  I cleared my throat. “I have no doubt that James and Letitia would have vouched for my good character. As you know, I lived and worked in the Arctic for more than twenty years. It would be dishonest of me to tell you I was celibate throughout that period. But never, ever did I take a so-called country wife, and that is God’s truth.”

  “Is it possible that you fathered children in the Arctic?”

  “I am sure I did not. If such a thing had happened, I would certainly have known. In the world of the Esquimaux, secrets do not exist. Information travels with great speed and accuracy.”

  “You are so much older than my Kate…”

  I shook my head. “I know. It is a fact which I have no power to change, although I wish I were twenty years younger, believe me!”

  We both smiled. “I promise you, Mrs. Thompson, that if Kate will agree to take me as her husband, and if you grant us permission to marry, I will honour her, cherish her, be faithful to her and take care of her for the rest of my life.”

  “Please, call me Emma.”

  “Only if you will agree to call me John.”

  We were both on our feet now. Emma took my arm. “Let’s see what Kate has to say about all of this, shall we?”

  At that moment, Kate threw open the doors to the parlour. It was clear from her smile that she had been eavesdropping again.

  “My dear Kate, the walls in this house certainly do have ears, don’t they!” I cried.

  Hamilton

  [OCTOBER 1859]

  Shortly after Major Thompson’s death, it was reported that Captain Francis Leopold McClintock — who had left England aboard Lady Franklin’s Fox in the summer of 1857 — had safely returned to London. The steam yacht had been twice beset in Arctic pack ice, and the captain was praised for his fortitude and persistence, because he had apparently wasted no time in putting his previous overland Arctic experience to good use. He wisely employed a skilled Esquimaux interpreter during his travels and gathered more information from the natives concerning the fate of the Franklin Expedition. Captain McClintock had lost three of his men on the two-year journey, but he and his crew did not return empty-handed. They arrived with more Franklin Expedition relics he had acquired from the Esquimaux, along with a Royal Navy sledge and whaling boat containing the skeletal remains of two of Franklin’s men.